There was a time I told myself I “walked in stupid” every time I entered the studio.
It sounded humble and like it was the right thing for an artist to say.
But the reality is simpler and sharper:
I’m not stupid. I’m an artist. And I finally know that.
What I carry into the studio now isn’t ignorance, it’s acceptance.
I’m here to uncover something, not impress someone.
The canvas doesn’t care about who approves or disapproves of me.
I accept that the work only becomes honest when I stop performing and start listening.
I don’t pretend I’m clueless anymore.
I know exactly what I don’t want to paint.
And that’s enough to begin.
I leave yesterday’s doubts and victories at the door.
Both of them distort the work in different ways, and neither of them belong in the present moment.
Because the moment I try to be impressive, clever, or controlled, the painting collapses into something predictable. Safe. Decorative.
And I’m not here for safety.
I’m here for the quiet shock of discovery.
That moment when a mark appears that I never planned but instantly recognise.
Something that is mine alone.
I don’t use formulas.
I don’t follow rules or look for applause.
Those belonged to my former life. Jazz charts, pop-song structures, all the little tricks created to earn approval.
Painting is where I stopped asking for permission.
Here, I don’t need to perform or need to explain myself.
I’m not trying to be understood.
I’m here to tell the truth on canvas. My truth and whatever it looks like today.
Some days I carry fear and others it's curiosity.
Other days very little at all.
But I walk in with purpose, not performance.
Because comfort doesn’t make art, it makes souvenirs.
The work asks me to risk something every time.
Ruin. Chaos.
Risk making something awful before I make something honest.
And I accept that now because I have finally accepted myself.
I'm not an accident or an imposter waiting to be exposed.
Or a student pretending he belongs in the room.
I am an artist and I am enough.
So no, I don’t walk into the studio stupid anymore.
I walk in honest.
I am Enough.
And I walk in willing to ruin everything to discover the only thing that matters: the truth on the canvas.